Ashley's Ramblings

rgfellows:

dandraco:

hollyoakhill:

do you ever think about how little Michelangelo cared

All right, everyone, grab a chair and sit back because I’m going to share with you what I learned about Michelangelo and the Sistine Chapel in my Art History Class.
The man NEVER wanted to paint the damn thing. But the pope at the time “forced him to” According to my teacher. Michelangelo hated this man, I MEAN REALLY HATED HIM. So did a majority of people. The pope’s nickname translated literally means “Terrible pope”.
And the working conditions were awful. He had to work on his back with all that paint, which is filled with some toxic shit that gave Michelangelo a limp for the rest of his life. (Also, our teacher made us get on our backs and try drawing with both hands JUST to prove how bad and uncomfortable it is.)
At the time, the ceiling was so high, you could barely see it. You need binoculars to get a good look at what’s up there, by the time people could see the paintings, there was a lot of weird symbolism that Michelangelo hid up there.

This one? The creation of the sun and moon? God is mooning you. And the pope and all others after him prayed under that without knowing.

This one? At the time, dissecting was sacrilegious and everyone found out how behind God was what looked like half a brain. blah blah, science, science, that pissed everyone off.
And also, ALLLLLLL the men and women in the Sistine Chapel are all on fucking steroids. My teacher described the women’s bodies as "Men bodies with boobs slapped on."
And then there is this:

Now this is the back wall. Michelangelo actually wanted to paint this one after he finished the ceiling. (and there was a different pope too, I believe.) However, originally, EVERYONE in that painting was naked. And they didn’t like it. Adam and Eve naked? That’s cool. But Jesus? Now you crossed the line. So the pope at the time hired someone else to censor it and give the important figures clothes. He worked on it for 6 or 9 months before he died.
And then the symbolism in this one is great. Somewhere in the right, there are homosexuals in heaven. (No matter what, the Vatican will say “Those straight men are happy” I’ll get to that in a second), Michelangelo painted himself near Jesus, and the terrible pope is in hell with a snake biting his balls.
And if you were to point ANY of this out to the Vatican, they will deny all of it and claim Michelangelo was a catholic hero. In fact, when they discovered the symbolism around the 60s or 70s, the guy who told the Vatican was kicked out of the Vatican for life.
TL;DR: Michelangelo hated the pope and made the best “fuck you” of all time.

YO. ALL OF THIS^. Michelangelo was hella grumpy all of the time. It was fantastic.
However, as beautiful as this commentary is, I’m gonna make a little correction. The Pope isn’t the one in hell getting his balls bitten; that guy is actually the Papal Minister of Ceremonies a the time, Biagio de Cesena. 
See, when Michelangelo was painting this, as you said, lots of people were uncomfortable with all of the nudity (especially because the Last Judgement [back wall mural] was painted much later when nudity in religious art was even more controversial than before), but the dude who was the angriest was de Cesena. 
He was so angry that he reportedly burst in on Michelangelo while he was working (which is already a big no-no because Michelangelo’s requirements for working were mostly “fuck the hell off and leave me alone or else I quit and I will stab you in the eye with my paintbrush/chisel”.). He then proceeds to tell Michelangelo that this fresco is disgusting and obscene and shame on him etc etc. He also referred to it as “i stui di nudi”, which means “A stew of nudes” which is one of the best descriptions of a thing ever, if you ask me. 
So Michelangelo, probably on the cusp of homicide is like “Thank you for the notes. Now get the fuck out,” and de Cesena reluctantly does. 
Later, he comes to see the finished product and finds that Michelangelo had painted his portrait down in Hell to represent the Minos, King of the Dead. He has the ears of an ass and the above described crotch biting snake:

Upon seeing this and being enraged, de Cesena went to the Pope to demand that it be changed and that Michelangelo be punished. However, the Pope was SO incredibly done dealing with Michelangelo’s snark, tantrums, and general hatred of the world and everyone in it, that he didn’t want to do shit. 
The Pope’s response to him was literally to say “As Pope, I have a lot of influence on Earth and up in Heaven, but I have no jurisdiction in Hell. You’re shit out of luck.” 
And it stayed.
Michelangelo, grade A artist, snark master, and professional dick.

rgfellows:

dandraco:

hollyoakhill:

do you ever think about how little Michelangelo cared

All right, everyone, grab a chair and sit back because I’m going to share with you what I learned about Michelangelo and the Sistine Chapel in my Art History Class.

The man NEVER wanted to paint the damn thing. But the pope at the time “forced him to” According to my teacher. Michelangelo hated this man, I MEAN REALLY HATED HIM. So did a majority of people. The pope’s nickname translated literally means “Terrible pope”.

And the working conditions were awful. He had to work on his back with all that paint, which is filled with some toxic shit that gave Michelangelo a limp for the rest of his life.
(Also, our teacher made us get on our backs and try drawing with both hands JUST to prove how bad and uncomfortable it is.)

At the time, the ceiling was so high, you could barely see it. You need binoculars to get a good look at what’s up there, by the time people could see the paintings, there was a lot of weird symbolism that Michelangelo hid up there.

This one? The creation of the sun and moon? God is mooning you. And the pope and all others after him prayed under that without knowing.

This one? At the time, dissecting was sacrilegious and everyone found out how behind God was what looked like half a brain. blah blah, science, science, that pissed everyone off.

And also, ALLLLLLL the men and women in the Sistine Chapel are all on fucking steroids. My teacher described the women’s bodies as "Men bodies with boobs slapped on."

And then there is this:

Now this is the back wall. Michelangelo actually wanted to paint this one after he finished the ceiling. (and there was a different pope too, I believe.) However, originally, EVERYONE in that painting was naked. And they didn’t like it. Adam and Eve naked? That’s cool. But Jesus? Now you crossed the line. So the pope at the time hired someone else to censor it and give the important figures clothes. He worked on it for 6 or 9 months before he died.

And then the symbolism in this one is great. Somewhere in the right, there are homosexuals in heaven. (No matter what, the Vatican will say “Those straight men are happy” I’ll get to that in a second), Michelangelo painted himself near Jesus, and the terrible pope is in hell with a snake biting his balls.

And if you were to point ANY of this out to the Vatican, they will deny all of it and claim Michelangelo was a catholic hero. In fact, when they discovered the symbolism around the 60s or 70s, the guy who told the Vatican was kicked out of the Vatican for life.

TL;DR: Michelangelo hated the pope and made the best “fuck you” of all time.

YO. ALL OF THIS^. Michelangelo was hella grumpy all of the time. It was fantastic.

However, as beautiful as this commentary is, I’m gonna make a little correction. The Pope isn’t the one in hell getting his balls bitten; that guy is actually the Papal Minister of Ceremonies a the time, Biagio de Cesena. 

See, when Michelangelo was painting this, as you said, lots of people were uncomfortable with all of the nudity (especially because the Last Judgement [back wall mural] was painted much later when nudity in religious art was even more controversial than before), but the dude who was the angriest was de Cesena. 

He was so angry that he reportedly burst in on Michelangelo while he was working (which is already a big no-no because Michelangelo’s requirements for working were mostly “fuck the hell off and leave me alone or else I quit and I will stab you in the eye with my paintbrush/chisel”.). He then proceeds to tell Michelangelo that this fresco is disgusting and obscene and shame on him etc etc. He also referred to it as “i stui di nudi”, which means “A stew of nudes” which is one of the best descriptions of a thing ever, if you ask me. 

So Michelangelo, probably on the cusp of homicide is like “Thank you for the notes. Now get the fuck out,” and de Cesena reluctantly does. 

Later, he comes to see the finished product and finds that Michelangelo had painted his portrait down in Hell to represent the Minos, King of the Dead. He has the ears of an ass and the above described crotch biting snake:

image

Upon seeing this and being enraged, de Cesena went to the Pope to demand that it be changed and that Michelangelo be punished. However, the Pope was SO incredibly done dealing with Michelangelo’s snark, tantrums, and general hatred of the world and everyone in it, that he didn’t want to do shit. 

The Pope’s response to him was literally to say “As Pope, I have a lot of influence on Earth and up in Heaven, but I have no jurisdiction in Hell. You’re shit out of luck.” 

And it stayed.

Michelangelo, grade A artist, snark master, and professional dick.

image

(via hisanakubi)

Grammy braided my hair :]

Grammy braided my hair :]

paradoxical-mystery:

veganrocket:

DID YOU GUYS KNOW THERE IS A BIKER GANG CALLED RESCUE INK THAT BREAKS UP DOGFIGHTING RINGS, CONFRONTS ANIMAL ABUSERS, CONFISCATES NEGLECTED ANIMALS AND INVESTIGATES STOLEN ANIMALS

image

YOU CAN READ MORE ABOUT THIS BADASSERY HERE

GODS BLESS THIS BADASS AWESOME DUDES

(via infinitelemur)

“Drunk text me. I want
to be the one you think of
when you can’t think straight.”
— "Drunk Texts are Flattering" by Claire Luisa (via claire-luisa)

(Source: claireluisa, via ashten-tiara16)

iscahmckrae:

crimson-11-delight-dustafterrain:

andrewgiraffields:

 #remember when sookie was played by a fat actress and there were literally no jokes about her weight on the show? #remember how she wasn’t defined by her weight? #remember how she got to date and get married and have kids and not be just the token funny fat friend of the main character? #remember when she ~got her life together and was happy before lorelai and that wasn’t seen as threatening?

remember how her insecurities (which she did have, because doesn’t everyone?) had nothing to do with her appearance and were more about her artistic failures, her ability to be a mom, her “annoying quirks” she thought Jackson would get tired of?

remember how even though she was often clumsy forgetful and disorganized she was still portrayed as a competent adult? remember how her decision to get married and have kids didn’t diminish her career as a master chef and entrepreneur? remember how she was a bubbly and funny supporting character without being shallow or unintelligent?

(Source: halpertjames, via skibblezing)

shutthefuckupcas:

shutthefuckupcas:

shutthefuckupcas:

My dad accidentally threw a cheese grater at me so I left the room and he yelled “come back here you ungrateful child” while laughing hysterically

Update my mom just told me that if I had even a ‘shred’ of decency I would go back in there

Update #2: my dad apologized and told me he had only done it for ‘the grater good’

(via eeemachine340)

pincie:

Please reblog if you are a girl and have ever been made to feel ashamed of one or more of these things (wanting to prove a point to some asshole):

-your weight

-your clothing choice

-your amount of make up

-having sex

-not having sex

-breast size

-having your period

-saying no

-not appreciating catcalls 

-masturbating

-body hair

(via withmypensandneedles)

“I took my troubles to the Lord; I cried out to Him, and He answered my prayer.”
— Psalm 120:1 NLT (via simply-divine-creation)

(via nonelesstherestless)

mrmeriwether:

yeahbanero-bells:

wolvensnothere:

Whoa.

I read this out loud to boyfriend and he just went “ohhhhhhhhh” 

CEOs all runnin around terrified of blue shells from the homeless

mrmeriwether:

yeahbanero-bells:

wolvensnothere:

Whoa.

I read this out loud to boyfriend and he just went “ohhhhhhhhh” 

CEOs all runnin around terrified of blue shells from the homeless

(Source: thetangential, via hallamark)

fvanjik:

THIS HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH MY BLOG
IM JUST LAUGHING SO HARD
moment of silence 4 ppl who have to deal with surprise dick pics

(Source: rawunmedicatedheartt, via overcastallen)

queensamwise:

i am so Mad capital M i shouldnt even have to say this because it should not and does not MATTER who it was but w h a t if it was y o u r c h i l d you piece of shit fucking fucker shithole holy fucking yo uare such a famous author and you could not literally think of another fuckign thing in the universe to use your fame to advocate for except “child porn penalties are too harsh” i literally want to rip your fuckjign repulsive FACE OFF 

queensamwise:

i am so Mad capital M i shouldnt even have to say this because it should not and does not MATTER who it was but w h a t if it was y o u r c h i l d you piece of shit fucking fucker shithole holy fucking yo uare such a famous author and you could not literally think of another fuckign thing in the universe to use your fame to advocate for except “child porn penalties are too harsh” i literally want to rip your fuckjign repulsive FACE OFF 

(via spookyfandumbgirl)

Anonymously tell me your feelings for me.

cultofhugs:

It doesn’t have to be romantic (though if you did feel that way, it’d be perfectly fine). Just how you feel in general. I get curious of people’s impressions of me.

tfw no feels for me

(via ghostoftroy)

the-real-actual-doctor:

RASPBERRY TEA HELPS WITH PERIOD CRAMPS PASS IT ON

(via ghostoftroy)

thecutestofthecute:

WAKE UP HUMAN. WAKE UP. I REQUIRE  SNUGGLES IMMEDIATELY.

(Source: lovelylops, via exponentiate)